Life is a Choice

    When I was in my 20s I watched my parents get divorced. During this time the woman I was with had been caught cheating on me. My world was tearing at the seams and I had no clue how to hold it together.

    It was during this time that I had been able to recall the strangest of memories of my father. All throughout our lives if we were getting in trouble before we could argue back he would look at us and hold a single finger over his mouth and nod his head.

    When I asked him about this he said it was simple, it was a matter of choosing our battles. If we knew we were in the wrong just accept it, to fight back would only make things worse,all we could do was try and do better.

  Each time we come to a point in life it’s about choice. In the supermarket, in plans, in love, in life. It all came down to what we chose to do or not do in that moment. It was that that got me through that very hard time in my life and continues to get me through each day.


   It’s the fact that when I wake up it’s my choice to have a good day. It’s my choice to let another’s words or actions bother me. Or it’s my choice to spend all day in bed and have a mini meltdown.

   Despite what ever may happen in one day, it’s my reaction and choices that dictates how my overall life goes. It’s the same for everyone, ultimately our choices lead us down the roads we end up on and the destinations we end up.


    Choose your battles wisely and make smart choices.

Happy New Years

I write something every year at New Years about the previous year and what the next year will have in store. To be entirely honest I don’t I know what to say this time.

2017 has been one hell of a year. Nothing has yet to compare to this year. There was so much that happened this year. So many times I got the chance to learn some thing and experience things I never thought I would have the chance to. So many raw emotions and times where I didn’t know what to do to or where to go next.

2017 has been the only year where I cried writing my end of year post.

I don’t know what’s in store for 2018. There’s a part of me that scares the hell out of. I know from 2017 what I want out of 2018. I know the goals I’ll be working towards, the moments I wasn’t repeats of. The things I want to do again of and the people I want to take with me.

But I have no idea what 2018 is going to have in store. I know it will be as much a rollercoaster as 2017. I just hope it has just as much happiness for every moment of sadness and doubt that 2017 did. But I’ll be here to face it all.


Happy New Years.

Tattoos

          Growing up I always loved seeing tattoos on people. It never mattered the style, colors, or anything I was always amazed with the art work. How the shading was done on the skin all the technical aspects of tattoos. This in turn led me to get tattoos of my own as I grew up, not to mention playing with tattooing myself. The following is a run down of my tattoos and the reasons I have them.

- Vampire Smiley Face

This is a tattoo I got when I was 16, I think. It was a home tattoo done by my girlfriend at the time. This was to match the tattoos my other friends had. We, all 4 of us, had a tattoo of some variation of a smiley face. We affectionately called our selfs the Smiley Face crew. This was one I got very much just to fit in and to have a tattoo. Not the best of reasons but it’s also became my most cherished as I’ve grown up because it’s a call back to simpler times.

- Nautical Star

This was the second tattoo I got and the first professional one. This one was the first one I got with any real meaning to it as well. Nautical stars are a representation of the North Star. Used in early days and still today of sailing. Sailors could use the North Star to navigate themselves back home. I got this particular tattoo to remind myself that it didn’t matter how hard things got, how dark things got I could always find the right path again. There was always a way to get back home or what I wanted

- “Kiss My Eyes And Lay Me To Sleep”

This was another at home tattoo I got, actually it’s the first tattoo I ever got that matched one someone else had as well. The lyrics are from A.F.I.’s song “12/21 Prelude” the full lyric goes “This is what I brought you this you can keep, This is what I brought you may forget me, I promise to depart just promise one thing, Kiss my eyes and lay me to sleep.” There was something about this song during the summer years ago that still resonated with me so I have this across my back, on both sides there are rabbits that match the band’s album art work.

- Pentagram

This is a tiny one located behind my right ear. I follow the faith of Wicca and have always seen the pentagram as a symbol of protection. The reason I decided to get it on my head and behind my ear was in recent years dealing with depression and anxiety has been hard. The idea I had in mind was not only having this symbol of protection on me but including it as close as I could to my head to help with the mental issues I’ve dealt with. 

- Tree of Life

This was a multipurpose tattoo. It was a gift from my family for my 25th birthday. As well as having religious meanings there is also an speech given by Tyler Perry that talks about how people in your life are like the parts of a tree. This in short amounted to the fact that there are people like leafs that come and go with the seasons, people like branches who hang around but may leave in strong storms, and people like roots those who are always there maybe unseen but still there none the less. 

-“I was a wolf and she my moon”

This is my most recent tattoo, and the one with the most meaning. I decided to get it on my wrist under the tree of life. This was due to the idea of the roots I spoke of as well as the fact that on my wrist there wouldn’t be a time I couldn’t see it. I’m sure the meaning will be obvious to most. There were times before the tattoo was actually done that I was nervous, and the actual session is one I won’t ever forget. But I absolutely love this tattoo. 

So there it is. The complete and detailed listing of my tattoos. I will try to add to and update this as I get more just as a fun little hobby. Currently I know of a few other tattoos I will be getting. Including one with my sister as well as an Alice in Wonderland one. Hopefully you can see why tattoos have always been fascinating to me. It may just be a little anchor or some other funny thing to you, but to the person with the tattoo it could have a million different meanings. 

The Cusp

  I decided to go see what the chances of us winning anything in one of those car dealer scratch off games. They had sent us a letter in the mail that we had a "guaranteed prize" all we had to do was come collect. They are never that easy.
   We went down any way both of us bored and just sitting around the house. While there of course they tried talking me in to buying a car. (They almost succeeded as well.) A nice little 2016 Jeep Compass, they had ran all the numbers and they wanted me in that car. They offered 0$ down, to pay off the mustang I already have and let me keep it and give me zero down. They were trying hard.
  We left with out the car, for now, and proceeded home, our main prize in hand, a little MP3 player. It was the discussion on the drive home that allowed us both to realize, we're almost there. We've almost made it to a point where we are going to be able to live comfortably enough. No worrying over the bills getting paid, losing the internet. We've almost made it out of the lower class.
   This was something that was a bit scary to both of us but exciting at the same time. See we've never had this, we've never been this close to being okay. To having things paid and not having to worry about money the rest the month. We'll be able to go on trips together for the weekend. Have more time at home and off. More time and money to explore the world around us.
   This is absolutely mind blowing to us. It sounds like something small and simple enough to most the world I'm sure. But the sense of relief as you start to realize that your going to be okay, it's all going to be okay, it's absolutely wonderful.

SxSW Journal - Issue #1

Day 1 - Getting started

 We left around 6 o’clock after loading everything up. Stopped in Cullman for food. It was a decent trip even with all the bullshit I dealt with from them. Made it to Montgomery around 9. We had to wait till 1am to leave. While I’m feeling tired I still think I can make it. 

Day 2 - Late Departures

  It’s 1:35 AM we’re still sitting at the meeting point waiting on everyone. Weed smoke is heavy in the air but it’s not a bad smell. TK is playing different rap videos off the YouTube on the TV. Every one is either memorized by the TV or on some sort of electronic device we’re waiting to leave still.
 Almost all of the day was spent traveling once we go to the cabin it was around 6 already and the team had a show that started at 8. Three hours into the show and we’re trying to figure out when it’s ending. Personally I have a headache and am ready to go the, The film team has already all ran through one set of batteries each.

 I managed to fall asleep at the club for a little bit. I was just so worn out. I drove all night and then went straight to work. Everyone understood but that wasn’t the point. I just finished today’s vlog in editing so now to upload it.

(Please note that after this past entry we better learned what we were doing and how to go about doing it. This means the entries will get longer here after.)

Day 3- The Long Haul

  We woke up around 10 finally. I had stayed up a little later than the others because I had fallen asleep at the club. Talked to our chef for a bit and found out how he managed to set all of this up. In the process of I talked to one of the professional drivers they hired for us. He had came down from Chicago to be able to do the driving for us. Not even a few hours after making it to town he found out his father had been admitted to the hospital nearby. We all agreed that the world works in mysterious ways. Life brought him all the way down here right when he was going to be needed most.

  We finally got to the first event of the day around 1 PM I think. I don’t actually remember the time we left or got here. We’re working on shooting a series of performances and bouncing in and out of doing all of the work we need to, networking and everything else we have a whole corner of this bar covered in Mac’s. There’s so much running around going on it’s clear we don’t have enough of a team but it’s been amazing none the less.

  Compared to yesterday we have more of an efficient plan for today. Currently I’m guarding equipment and such while they shoot interviews outside. I’ve managed to catch up on some of my work but not all of it. About to grab the vlog and record that too. This is going to be a long day but well worth it. 

  8 PM We’re finally loading up to head back to the ranch. The video team is splitting and the new guy Fred is planning to go with another artist to a show over on 6th street (the main street for the fest) while the rest of us head back to the ranch to get to work on editing. There’s going to be another show back at the ranch at some point tonight so I’m trying to get back and get ready for that.

Day 4 - The Big One

   It’s technically still day 3 but it’s 2AM and the party is still going on here. Our cabin is far enough away we can sleep with out any problems. I’m just choosing not to sleep yet while I work on promoting. I’ve been on all the social media sites (Instagram, Twitter, Facebook) now pushing some kind of work. I have 3 different video plans in place right now. I’ll work on them some after some sleep with luck. 

   It’s currently 3:23 and we are being told we are going to vacate the property for a little while. The show going on here tonight is going to be huge. They don’t want any one feeling uncomfortable so they are taking the whole team somewhere. We’re loading up all of our valuable stuff and leaving some clothes here. We don’t know when exactly we’ll be coming back tho.

Day 5 - Last Call

   Last night was amazing we only woke up around 12 we were up till around 8am tho so we’re doing pretty good I’m not sure what exactly the plan is tonight but I think once we are done with the party we are going to sleep for a little bit. Before we start this drive back to Huntsville. It’s going to be upsetting to leave but this trip has been so amazing. 

   The event was canceled so we pretty much just hung out all day at the ranch and slept off and on. Around 8 o’clock me and Fred finally departed for 6th street. We got there after spending close to 20 minutes creeping through downtown Austin trying to find some where to park. Once we managed to we made a mad dash straight to the main part of 6th. It was packed. Music coming from every corner, kids selling water bottles, it was like a whole other world.

   Granted this was the first time I’ve been to SxSW I thought I knew some what of what to expect, as it turns out, I had no clue. This has been an amazing experience that I thought I would have never gotten to have. I’ve networked with so many people gotten so many great shots. I have a lot to go through and fix and edit. But there is no doubt going to be a lot of great content coming from this trip. Only bad thing is in a few hours I have to make the 13 hour drive back home. This is going to be another long day.

   We made it back into Huntsville around 8 PM. It had been a very long day. I drove back he 13 hour drive with 4 hours of sleep. I got so wired of of coffee and energy drinks. That has to be the only way we made it back. Over all it was an amazing trip. 

Because I wanted to write this in it’s entirety without sleep and proper edit this will serve as the Raw Draft. This is being posted at 12:00 AM Monday, March 20th, 2017. (Or a couple minutes late depending) Edits and full details will come later.

Brief Experiences In Cooking

Food is an experience. It's the best way to get to know a culture, a region, a country. That while my opinion may be heavily influenced by watching and reading way too much Anthony Bourdain. Which I am completely fine with that. The one thing that I learned in following this idea tho is there is an even better experience that comes with food, that's cooking it yourself. 

We used to have the traditional family dinner every Sunday and it was one of the things the whole family looked forward to throughout the week. While I was young it was very much a “stay out of the kitchen” event though. My mom and dad would be in the kitchen for a couple hours and produce some of the best tasting food we could get. As I got older I was allowed in the kitchen and got the chance to help out.

My favorite time doing this was when we would have BLT Sunday's. After my first time cooking bacon having watched my mother do it for years, it was my turn. The best part about it was the fact that on that night my grandfather immediately noticed a difference in the bacon. Once told I had cooked it he decreed that I was the only one that could cook bacon from now on.

It was an amazing feeling. Never before had I really cooked anything. (Let's face it instant ramen doesn't count as cooking.) Since then I've loved being in the kitchen cooking. Experimenting with different herbs and spices, trying new recipes and tweaking them. 

Through the years tho I've found one of the best parts of cooking, again in my opinion. It had been right in front of me for years. Cooking with your significant other. I've done it a couple times now with a couple different girlfriends and each time it was amazing. Cooking is such a low-stress thing to do when you're doing it just for yourself and it's so much more fun with someone. Sharing a small kitchen with someone and working side by side you manage to learn a lot about that person. How much stress they can take, how careful they are, how much or how little they like to follow 'rules.' Then too there's a sense of fun to it as well. 

I remember one of the funniest times was cooking chicken and my friend at the time was tenderizing the chicken as I cooked it. She was pounding the hell out of this chicken. We joked about her getting her stress out that way for a bit and then she opened up to me and told me about what she had been going through.

Cooking and sharing the act of cooking are both amazing things. Not only for the excitement of knowing the food you're going to eat was prepared by you but being able to share an experience with someone and grow closer in the process. If you never cook, cook rarely, have never cooked with someone, try it. It could be an amazing experience for you and even lead to a new passion. 

Question.

   "Where do you see yourself in 20 years?"

   This question and the various modifications of it (5 years, 10 years, etc.) are questions I have never in my life been able to answer. Even today, at the age of 24, about to launch a business with my two best friends, I couldn't tell you where I see myself next week.

   I'm one of those people who don't do the future. I talk about it, all the time, and there are tons of plans. Things I want, people I want to be with me, places I want to go and so on. I desperately want these to be in my future, and I'll make all the efforts to make sure it happens. But I don't see my future.

   I couldn't tell you with any certainty that anything is going to happen because in my years I've learned life is a storm. The winds of change are always in play. Things you think or even 'know' will never change eventually do.

   I can't tell you where I'll be in 20 years, I could tell you what and who I want then. But life has a strange way of moving things. Only thing I can tell you is I'll still be here.

What's In A Photo

   I love taking photos of everything and everywhere.

   I'm not one that lives the life behind a screen tho, I always take the time to take in the area or the thing I'm photographing before I actually take the photo. Recently with starting a daily vlog it's only increased my desire for photos and taught me a lot in the process. It's all about the memories. You can live in the moment and you can remember a moment but in a photo or video, you perfectly capture the moment.

   Now my vlog isn't one of the most interesting and my photos aren't the best, but for me, they tell a story. My vlog I always try to record beautiful moments for my timelapse and then the parts of the day that are important and noteworthy for the rest of the vlog. With photography again your able to capture the moment in perfect stillness. The emotion of a person, the beauty of a landscape or an animal.

   There are so many stories that can be told through both medians. It's not only an easy hobby but it can quickly become an obsession, I find myself wanting to travel and do more and more photography as time has gone on. Then working with my friends and launching Everything Entrikit as a production company has already shown me so many new ways to look at and see the world both through a lens and with the naked eye.

   Stop and take photos, shoot video, go live. In those moments you capture the world around you exactly as it is, even if you can remember the day for the rest of your life its an amazing feeling to go back and look at exactly how things were that day.

Escape From Tarkov

 Escape from Tarkov is a game coming soon from the company Battlestate Games, a Russian development company. Now if you haven't heard of this game yet I'm not surprised, as I recently just learned of it as well. But what caught my attention with it is the fact that it is what another game could have been.
  As far as hype for games goes there are few I can think of in recent years that had more hype than Day Z (by Bohemia Interactive.) It started as a mod for ARMA 3 and later turned into a full-scale game which is listed on Steam. The game received a ton of hype, being played by many YouTubers and streamers. But the fatal flaw was the development and the support the game had after launch.
  While it had been listed as in beta they started charging for the game its self which to date has sold over 3 million copies. On steam alone tho the user reviews for the game show errors in the game. With positive reviews numbering in the 100 thousand and negative reviews being 39 thousand. It is a good game but its lacking in many areas.
   This is where Escape comes in. The concept behind the game is close to the same of Day Z but the gameplay, while in alpha, is much more polished than Day Z is. The gameplay features the same mechanics as Day Z in some ways. But the level of detail and craftsmanship that seems to be but in it is amazing.
  From what I've heard of Battlestate Games, they are a small company. There doesn't even seem to be a wiki page for the company currently. There are some developer diaries and reference videos on their site which is listed here. This is looking like it will be a decent game for many different players and play styles. This will be one to keep an eye on as time goes on the page lists 2016 as the year to be ready to escape.

Getting Into Streaming

  Today so much of our world is online. Youtube brought about a whole new form of entertainment in today's world. With it came many changes to the way we receive information and different forms of entertainment. This was followed by the trend of live streaming. From major events, rallies down to people playing games. Twitch brought a whole new light to the world of gaming in its own right.
   Streaming games have become a major income source for some. This originally sounded like a foolish idea. I remember growing up telling my parents I wanted to find a way to make a living gaming. It was something I had always had a passion for. Of course, like any normal parents at the time, they told me I was being foolish. At the time I was. Streaming wasn't that big of a thing during my youth. But today streaming is major. The CS: GO qualifier event brought in over 80,000 views. People watching groups fight for a spot in a tournament where the prize is $1,000,000.
   But streaming is also a challenge in its own right. As we live now in a world where technology is so readily available to the masses services such as Twitch are overwhelmed with streamers. Some performing exceptionally well, generating enough income to survive and go to college, while others sit in the background of obscurity trying to make it into the big time.
   I'm trying to get into streaming still, I've got a small team backing me up and we're all working toward a common goal. This is a competition between 1.5 million plus people while the odds are stacked against anyone getting into this now, it is a dream many have. To anyone who shares the dream of being able to be an at least somewhat successful streamer, I wish you good luck. Hopefully, we'll get to work together someday.

Merging Of Two Worlds

   So I've got a love for anime and video games. I'm sure my love of video games is familiar to anyone who's been here before. Anime is a much smaller world because I'm so particular about my anime. One I love tho is Sword Art Online. Now mixing the two I've found some love for a particular game, The Division.
    The Division is a game coming in roughly 2 weeks that looks really great. It's a shooter and an MMO that takes place in Downtown Manhattan. Now the thing I noticed about it is that its got a great start to something depending on how well it does and how far it goes. Now granted I didn't get lucky enough to be able to play the Beta so all I have is videos and commentaries.
   The nice thing is depending on how it goes is that if the expand it enough it could reach the same level as something like Gun Game Online from SAO. Now if you're more of a gamer than an anime nerd and don't know what I'm talking about the closest thing I can tell you is they could expand this to a level that would be like the mixing of SWTOR and what you've seen from Division.
   Now personally, I would love this. The expanse and abilities for the customization would be amazing. All they would have to do to expand it is to continue to expand the map beyond where it is now. I'm sure in all honesty it would be a massive undertaking and depending on the support it sees after launch will lead to how the game proceeds.
   If you haven't looked into any of the games or anime I've mentioned here you should. The anime is amazing and The Division looks like it could become a long-term and wonderful game. I'm going to have to get The Division and hope to see one of you on there.

TV Review: Gotham

   I don't watch much TV as I've mentioned before. Though I will binge watch shows on Netflix. One show I decided to watch recently was Gotham. I'm a huge Batman fan and when I originally heard of the show I was interested in it. The idea of a look at the start of the legend if done proper would be an amazing thing to watch. In truth it really is.
    While some of the backstory doesn't quite match what I remember in the comics it does a really good job fleshing out the characters of the world. It covers the events happening right after the death of Martha and Thomas Wayne. Introduced during the course of season one include Selina Kyle (Catwoman,) Cobblepot (Penguin,) Jim Gordan, Harvey Dent, Ivy, and many others. Now this is not a full list of characters due to the fact that this is only season one and I don't want to spoil anything.
    The show doesn't really fit any one archetype per se. Sometimes the episodes run like mysteries, others run like your typical dark crime show and overall a drama. As a fan of Batman there is enough in each episode to keep you wanting more. As a show in general it would be great for anyone who is a fan of any of those types of shows.
    I was worried about this show to be honest, and honestly, the tie in with batman only goes as far as the characters. This show is about Gordan and the city of Gotham itself. It serves as great back story for the Batman universe but if you're hoping to see the dark knight I don't think you're going to find much of him here.

Team Zweihander

   So why am I being so annoying about this concept? Well honestly it's simple, I love video games. Anyone that knows me can tell you that. A year ago I discovered a group called Team Kaliber on youtube, namely their owner Kosdff. He is the owner as well as a YouTuber in general.
   Now I don't spend much time watching TV but I will watch a ton of youtube. I've got different people I subscribe to and regularly watch. It's a whim and there is no guarantee it will work but I decided why not try doing it as well. I've done a ton of research into different aspects of the job, so to speak. When the idea for Team Zweihander first came about I managed to put together a small team of four people. We were going to do competitive Halo and try and make it in the leagues. That idea still exists but sadly only one of the other original co-founders have anything to do with the project still.
   To me that's what it is still, it's a project. It's something I work on in my spare time to pass time and take my mind off of things. While there is the ability to make money and use it as a career currently it;s only just a project. I'm actively recruiting for the team and working on setting up a social presence but this is going to take some time and I'm fully aware of that. But there is also an aspect of "well why not try" to it.

    Currently, the team consists of me, the other co-founder, two new members as well as a part-time graphic artist. The steam group I set up has a total of 12 members including the ones listed. I can't tell the member's I've got now how much I appreciate them indulging me in this venture. It could lead somewhere or it could lead nowhere. But this is something I've seen other's have success at so I'm throwing my hat into the arena and this is going to be a long hard fight but I'm down to try it and hope I will find support along the way.



Now for some links in case you're curious:
Facebook
Twitter
Steam Group

TV Is Scary

   A long time ago when discussing different conspiracy theories I thought of one that seemed like it was ridiculous. But today thinking about the recent Zika Virus I thought of a show I just finished watching and its rather ironic in a way. Let me explain and promise you I'm not crazy I just like what if scenarios.

   I'm sure by now almost anyone who will take the time to read this has heard something of the Zika virus. Its a virus transferred via misquote bites. Its been around for a while but recently has reached pandemic levels. There is no known cure but treatment helps one of the new developments that has come out is that it is believed to be linked to birth defects. It's not been confirmed but it is under investigation.

    As a huge fan of science fiction, as well as Netflex I decided to sit down and watch the series Helix. Over all it was a great series if you plan to watch it don't keep reading because I will be giving away the plot line so that I can explain the idea I had. *start spoilers*   In the show there is a group of immortals who are planning to eliminate a majority of humans. Seeing the negative effect they have on the world. One of the Immortals decided to try and do a virus to limit the birthrates in a way which the human population is finally under control.


  Now maybe you can see a correlation here like I did. There is a television show that shows a powerful group trying to control a population via a virus and then an actual virus reaches a pandemic level. Now this isn't an entry in this blog to make a claim of a conspiracy. The original idea I had was the fact that with modern television it would be easier to get away with some things.  There would be a sense of that's not possible, I saw that on TV it's not a real thing. The average adult watches close to 5 hours of TV a day. So how hard would it be to make a show about something and then commit the crime in real life, would it get blown off as a joke or taken seriously. What may have already been done using this method of deception?

The Value Of a Bedroom

     For a couple year's now I've not had a bedroom. After a small life shake up I found myself living with my mom and sisters. Now this wasn't a problem with me having been staying with my father, girlfriend and an assortment of room mates that came and went rather quick. The only issue we had when I moved in with the girls was a small one; I didn't have a bedroom.

    No I had slept on couches for a long time. Both partying and in general when staying with friends. So I figured it would be no problem to sleep on the couch for a while and it wasn't. Now I had shared beds with people during this time so it wasn't like I missed a bed. I missed having a room. Having a space that was mine. 

     Having a room is something special. A place where one can escape from the world for a little while. That's personalized the way they want it and what is comfortable to them. It serves as a comfort zone be it wrapped up in the blankets in bed or at a desk pecking away on a keyboard. Not nearly as secluded today as it was in the past; with constant connections to the web via twitter and facebook. 

     Not having a room for so long led to me forgetting that sometimes you have to be alone with yourself. A place to face your problems in relative solitary. A place to be away from everything but still close enough by that if someone needs you you're there. 

Book Review- 'Invisible' by James Patterson

   I had never read a James Patterson book before. I remembered the rise of his book 'Maximum Ride' a few years ago. But even then never really took much interest in him or his books. Upon finishing a previous book how ever I needed one to replace it and seeing as how 'Invisible' serves as a stand alone book I figured it would be a good introduction to James Patterson as well.

   'Invisible' follows FBI researcher Emmy Dockery as she searches for a link between many crimes spanning the country. Except the crimes have a personal connection. The book is intresting in which it shows another seemingly inside view of how the FBI work cases and the effect it can have on its agents. As well as showing how people are in a general light.

    The story itself takes many twists and turns and has you not wanting to put it down. There is a sutale romance plot through the book that thankfully doesn't take away from the crime and action. Its almost like an episode of Criminal Minds in a book form. The ending will have your jaw dropping and wanting more.

   Over all if your a fan of crime novels or even the various TV shows on cable now days this is a must read. Its not a book you will get board of half way through, but you will be sad when it finally concludes. You'll be in for one hell of a ride.

Modern Disappearing Acts

      I do a lot of reading. Personally I love reading articles written by people who have been through things. Sites like  Thought Catalog or the OffBeat web series. One of my times of reading these articles I came across one that talked about losing people. It had struck a chord with me and left me thinking about it for a while.
         The article was specifically about people just disappearing from your life without a trace. Sadly I had gone through this with a very important person in my life. It was so disheartening to have someone just vanish from my life without a trace. I read the article and it resonated with me due to the fact I had gone through it. Sadly tho the article never mentioned what you would go through when the person who vanished randomly showed back up. As well in the modern age were so connected we usually have a way of finding some trace of the people who vanish but sometimes it does more harm than good.

        A few nights ago one of the people show back up. Having some one disappear you have to kind of accept the fact they are gone. That you may not know where they went or if they were okay but you had accept it and move on or it will tear you up. I had found a trace of the person who disappeared from my life and once they showed back up. I didn't know what to do, I literally had an anxiety attack. As much as I'm happy they are back something seems off. Having found traces of them it seems like there is something so different and foreign. I believe in the long run the traces we leave social media now only have some negative effects but also positive ones. The thing is that either way there's no way to end it now days.

       There was also someone else who vanished from my life years ago that interests me even more. Because all I have of them is a few photos and memories. I'm a good researcher, not anywhere near doing it for a living or getting any awards for it. So when someone vanishes usually I can find a trace of them and see where they are or what they are doing but this one I can't. The most interesting part to me is the time frame in which I lost both people. Person 1 we'll call them Alice disappeared a couple years ago, I had known them for a few years, during the real rise of social media. Person 2 we'll call them Chad; I use these names a lot. I lost touch with Chad before the rise of social media and can't find a trace of them.

       In today's world losing people has become harder in a sense. Most of us have left a trace on social media that anyone we know now will always be able to find it. I believe that the long term effects of social media and our interconnected society will have some sort of outcome in the long run. It will be a subject that will be studied and looked into for years to come.

Well Hello

     Well after much thinking and debating the idea I've finally decided that I'm going to start a blog. Now unfortunately this will not be a subject blog. It's not a food blog, nor a review blog, nor even a travel blog. This will be more of a journey blog. See I've had many idea's over the past few years. A few of which I have followed and some which I've sadly just let slip by. So near the beginning of 2016 I had a few events happened that have led me to a point where I've decided to try and press on with some of them.

      Here I'd like to give you a big of an over view of a few of the ideas I will be pursuing this year and a little about the reasoning behind them:

• Rave Wolfe Inc.

               This was a company I set up back in 2011 as a DBA (doing business as) under my father and his business. As a result of my parent's divorce I was effectively expelled from the shop I was doing the work in. This resulted in my closing of my Etsy page and a halt on all projects I had at the time. Over the past two years I've realized I've missed the work I was doing. I love to work with my hands and to build things. I always have. So having procured some of the machinery and tools needed I plan to return to work as soon as I can find a suitable area for me to set up shop, no pun intended.

• Team Zweihnder

                This is a venture into another world I am very passionate. Feel free to roll you're eyes I can see it coming. This was the idea of a gamer group for both Youtube and just for fun. It was originally started by me and two friends wanting to play games competitively at the start in the rise of such things. After a fall out with me and one of the founding members it was effectively ended. Recent partners have brought it back to light and with to help me press the matter having already set up a decent web presence on some sites such as Facebook and the Steam gaming service. While this will be mostly for fun in my opinion, I won't lie and admit to you that I hope there could be some money in it somehow.

• Vlogs

              Many times now have I tried vlogging. There are a few videos of which are on Youtube of my attempts. Often times I've recorded a ton of footage and never edited or shared it because I just didn't see it as something that was interesting or worth the time of others to watch. IT was during a recent panic attack I had while driving that I started Snapchating and I felt my anxiety lessen. Since which I have tried to regularly post snaps at least twice a day. Having a drop in anxiety problems since I'm planning to use it as a slow leeway into making me more comfortable in blogging and will start to forge into that. 

• Collage

                 I spent a lot of 2015 with all sorts of different people. I worked as a manager at a store I had only worked at for a year. Exposing to to people of very different back grounds that I was used to being around. From people who acted in such a way that disgusted me with humanity, to people who have encouraged me in more ways than they know. One of which after hearing many stories of their hardships, and a douse a bit of self loathing, led me many a realization. One of which was that I owe myself better. There are hundreds of things I can accomplish. Just because I have had hardships doesn't mean I can't find a way to over come and do something I want to do. This is why in the fall of this year I will be returning to Calhoun to get a degree.



       The past few years have led me to lose and learn a lot. I'd been put down by some of the people I looked up to and was lifted up by people who amazed me. They have pushed me to follow to try new things. To take risks to try things I thought was impossible. I'll never be able to thank them enough. But I hope as I take my risks they will continue to be there for me through all the ups and downs.