Life is a Choice

    When I was in my 20s I watched my parents get divorced. During this time the woman I was with had been caught cheating on me. My world was tearing at the seams and I had no clue how to hold it together.

    It was during this time that I had been able to recall the strangest of memories of my father. All throughout our lives if we were getting in trouble before we could argue back he would look at us and hold a single finger over his mouth and nod his head.

    When I asked him about this he said it was simple, it was a matter of choosing our battles. If we knew we were in the wrong just accept it, to fight back would only make things worse,all we could do was try and do better.

  Each time we come to a point in life it’s about choice. In the supermarket, in plans, in love, in life. It all came down to what we chose to do or not do in that moment. It was that that got me through that very hard time in my life and continues to get me through each day.


   It’s the fact that when I wake up it’s my choice to have a good day. It’s my choice to let another’s words or actions bother me. Or it’s my choice to spend all day in bed and have a mini meltdown.

   Despite what ever may happen in one day, it’s my reaction and choices that dictates how my overall life goes. It’s the same for everyone, ultimately our choices lead us down the roads we end up on and the destinations we end up.


    Choose your battles wisely and make smart choices.

Happy New Years

I write something every year at New Years about the previous year and what the next year will have in store. To be entirely honest I don’t I know what to say this time.

2017 has been one hell of a year. Nothing has yet to compare to this year. There was so much that happened this year. So many times I got the chance to learn some thing and experience things I never thought I would have the chance to. So many raw emotions and times where I didn’t know what to do to or where to go next.

2017 has been the only year where I cried writing my end of year post.

I don’t know what’s in store for 2018. There’s a part of me that scares the hell out of. I know from 2017 what I want out of 2018. I know the goals I’ll be working towards, the moments I wasn’t repeats of. The things I want to do again of and the people I want to take with me.

But I have no idea what 2018 is going to have in store. I know it will be as much a rollercoaster as 2017. I just hope it has just as much happiness for every moment of sadness and doubt that 2017 did. But I’ll be here to face it all.


Happy New Years.

Tattoos

          Growing up I always loved seeing tattoos on people. It never mattered the style, colors, or anything I was always amazed with the art work. How the shading was done on the skin all the technical aspects of tattoos. This in turn led me to get tattoos of my own as I grew up, not to mention playing with tattooing myself. The following is a run down of my tattoos and the reasons I have them.

- Vampire Smiley Face

This is a tattoo I got when I was 16, I think. It was a home tattoo done by my girlfriend at the time. This was to match the tattoos my other friends had. We, all 4 of us, had a tattoo of some variation of a smiley face. We affectionately called our selfs the Smiley Face crew. This was one I got very much just to fit in and to have a tattoo. Not the best of reasons but it’s also became my most cherished as I’ve grown up because it’s a call back to simpler times.

- Nautical Star

This was the second tattoo I got and the first professional one. This one was the first one I got with any real meaning to it as well. Nautical stars are a representation of the North Star. Used in early days and still today of sailing. Sailors could use the North Star to navigate themselves back home. I got this particular tattoo to remind myself that it didn’t matter how hard things got, how dark things got I could always find the right path again. There was always a way to get back home or what I wanted

- “Kiss My Eyes And Lay Me To Sleep”

This was another at home tattoo I got, actually it’s the first tattoo I ever got that matched one someone else had as well. The lyrics are from A.F.I.’s song “12/21 Prelude” the full lyric goes “This is what I brought you this you can keep, This is what I brought you may forget me, I promise to depart just promise one thing, Kiss my eyes and lay me to sleep.” There was something about this song during the summer years ago that still resonated with me so I have this across my back, on both sides there are rabbits that match the band’s album art work.

- Pentagram

This is a tiny one located behind my right ear. I follow the faith of Wicca and have always seen the pentagram as a symbol of protection. The reason I decided to get it on my head and behind my ear was in recent years dealing with depression and anxiety has been hard. The idea I had in mind was not only having this symbol of protection on me but including it as close as I could to my head to help with the mental issues I’ve dealt with. 

- Tree of Life

This was a multipurpose tattoo. It was a gift from my family for my 25th birthday. As well as having religious meanings there is also an speech given by Tyler Perry that talks about how people in your life are like the parts of a tree. This in short amounted to the fact that there are people like leafs that come and go with the seasons, people like branches who hang around but may leave in strong storms, and people like roots those who are always there maybe unseen but still there none the less. 

-“I was a wolf and she my moon”

This is my most recent tattoo, and the one with the most meaning. I decided to get it on my wrist under the tree of life. This was due to the idea of the roots I spoke of as well as the fact that on my wrist there wouldn’t be a time I couldn’t see it. I’m sure the meaning will be obvious to most. There were times before the tattoo was actually done that I was nervous, and the actual session is one I won’t ever forget. But I absolutely love this tattoo. 

So there it is. The complete and detailed listing of my tattoos. I will try to add to and update this as I get more just as a fun little hobby. Currently I know of a few other tattoos I will be getting. Including one with my sister as well as an Alice in Wonderland one. Hopefully you can see why tattoos have always been fascinating to me. It may just be a little anchor or some other funny thing to you, but to the person with the tattoo it could have a million different meanings. 

The Cusp

  I decided to go see what the chances of us winning anything in one of those car dealer scratch off games. They had sent us a letter in the mail that we had a "guaranteed prize" all we had to do was come collect. They are never that easy.
   We went down any way both of us bored and just sitting around the house. While there of course they tried talking me in to buying a car. (They almost succeeded as well.) A nice little 2016 Jeep Compass, they had ran all the numbers and they wanted me in that car. They offered 0$ down, to pay off the mustang I already have and let me keep it and give me zero down. They were trying hard.
  We left with out the car, for now, and proceeded home, our main prize in hand, a little MP3 player. It was the discussion on the drive home that allowed us both to realize, we're almost there. We've almost made it to a point where we are going to be able to live comfortably enough. No worrying over the bills getting paid, losing the internet. We've almost made it out of the lower class.
   This was something that was a bit scary to both of us but exciting at the same time. See we've never had this, we've never been this close to being okay. To having things paid and not having to worry about money the rest the month. We'll be able to go on trips together for the weekend. Have more time at home and off. More time and money to explore the world around us.
   This is absolutely mind blowing to us. It sounds like something small and simple enough to most the world I'm sure. But the sense of relief as you start to realize that your going to be okay, it's all going to be okay, it's absolutely wonderful.

SxSW Journal - Issue #1

Day 1 - Getting started

 We left around 6 o’clock after loading everything up. Stopped in Cullman for food. It was a decent trip even with all the bullshit I dealt with from them. Made it to Montgomery around 9. We had to wait till 1am to leave. While I’m feeling tired I still think I can make it. 

Day 2 - Late Departures

  It’s 1:35 AM we’re still sitting at the meeting point waiting on everyone. Weed smoke is heavy in the air but it’s not a bad smell. TK is playing different rap videos off the YouTube on the TV. Every one is either memorized by the TV or on some sort of electronic device we’re waiting to leave still.
 Almost all of the day was spent traveling once we go to the cabin it was around 6 already and the team had a show that started at 8. Three hours into the show and we’re trying to figure out when it’s ending. Personally I have a headache and am ready to go the, The film team has already all ran through one set of batteries each.

 I managed to fall asleep at the club for a little bit. I was just so worn out. I drove all night and then went straight to work. Everyone understood but that wasn’t the point. I just finished today’s vlog in editing so now to upload it.

(Please note that after this past entry we better learned what we were doing and how to go about doing it. This means the entries will get longer here after.)

Day 3- The Long Haul

  We woke up around 10 finally. I had stayed up a little later than the others because I had fallen asleep at the club. Talked to our chef for a bit and found out how he managed to set all of this up. In the process of I talked to one of the professional drivers they hired for us. He had came down from Chicago to be able to do the driving for us. Not even a few hours after making it to town he found out his father had been admitted to the hospital nearby. We all agreed that the world works in mysterious ways. Life brought him all the way down here right when he was going to be needed most.

  We finally got to the first event of the day around 1 PM I think. I don’t actually remember the time we left or got here. We’re working on shooting a series of performances and bouncing in and out of doing all of the work we need to, networking and everything else we have a whole corner of this bar covered in Mac’s. There’s so much running around going on it’s clear we don’t have enough of a team but it’s been amazing none the less.

  Compared to yesterday we have more of an efficient plan for today. Currently I’m guarding equipment and such while they shoot interviews outside. I’ve managed to catch up on some of my work but not all of it. About to grab the vlog and record that too. This is going to be a long day but well worth it. 

  8 PM We’re finally loading up to head back to the ranch. The video team is splitting and the new guy Fred is planning to go with another artist to a show over on 6th street (the main street for the fest) while the rest of us head back to the ranch to get to work on editing. There’s going to be another show back at the ranch at some point tonight so I’m trying to get back and get ready for that.

Day 4 - The Big One

   It’s technically still day 3 but it’s 2AM and the party is still going on here. Our cabin is far enough away we can sleep with out any problems. I’m just choosing not to sleep yet while I work on promoting. I’ve been on all the social media sites (Instagram, Twitter, Facebook) now pushing some kind of work. I have 3 different video plans in place right now. I’ll work on them some after some sleep with luck. 

   It’s currently 3:23 and we are being told we are going to vacate the property for a little while. The show going on here tonight is going to be huge. They don’t want any one feeling uncomfortable so they are taking the whole team somewhere. We’re loading up all of our valuable stuff and leaving some clothes here. We don’t know when exactly we’ll be coming back tho.

Day 5 - Last Call

   Last night was amazing we only woke up around 12 we were up till around 8am tho so we’re doing pretty good I’m not sure what exactly the plan is tonight but I think once we are done with the party we are going to sleep for a little bit. Before we start this drive back to Huntsville. It’s going to be upsetting to leave but this trip has been so amazing. 

   The event was canceled so we pretty much just hung out all day at the ranch and slept off and on. Around 8 o’clock me and Fred finally departed for 6th street. We got there after spending close to 20 minutes creeping through downtown Austin trying to find some where to park. Once we managed to we made a mad dash straight to the main part of 6th. It was packed. Music coming from every corner, kids selling water bottles, it was like a whole other world.

   Granted this was the first time I’ve been to SxSW I thought I knew some what of what to expect, as it turns out, I had no clue. This has been an amazing experience that I thought I would have never gotten to have. I’ve networked with so many people gotten so many great shots. I have a lot to go through and fix and edit. But there is no doubt going to be a lot of great content coming from this trip. Only bad thing is in a few hours I have to make the 13 hour drive back home. This is going to be another long day.

   We made it back into Huntsville around 8 PM. It had been a very long day. I drove back he 13 hour drive with 4 hours of sleep. I got so wired of of coffee and energy drinks. That has to be the only way we made it back. Over all it was an amazing trip. 

Because I wanted to write this in it’s entirety without sleep and proper edit this will serve as the Raw Draft. This is being posted at 12:00 AM Monday, March 20th, 2017. (Or a couple minutes late depending) Edits and full details will come later.

Brief Experiences In Cooking

Food is an experience. It's the best way to get to know a culture, a region, a country. That while my opinion may be heavily influenced by watching and reading way too much Anthony Bourdain. Which I am completely fine with that. The one thing that I learned in following this idea tho is there is an even better experience that comes with food, that's cooking it yourself. 

We used to have the traditional family dinner every Sunday and it was one of the things the whole family looked forward to throughout the week. While I was young it was very much a “stay out of the kitchen” event though. My mom and dad would be in the kitchen for a couple hours and produce some of the best tasting food we could get. As I got older I was allowed in the kitchen and got the chance to help out.

My favorite time doing this was when we would have BLT Sunday's. After my first time cooking bacon having watched my mother do it for years, it was my turn. The best part about it was the fact that on that night my grandfather immediately noticed a difference in the bacon. Once told I had cooked it he decreed that I was the only one that could cook bacon from now on.

It was an amazing feeling. Never before had I really cooked anything. (Let's face it instant ramen doesn't count as cooking.) Since then I've loved being in the kitchen cooking. Experimenting with different herbs and spices, trying new recipes and tweaking them. 

Through the years tho I've found one of the best parts of cooking, again in my opinion. It had been right in front of me for years. Cooking with your significant other. I've done it a couple times now with a couple different girlfriends and each time it was amazing. Cooking is such a low-stress thing to do when you're doing it just for yourself and it's so much more fun with someone. Sharing a small kitchen with someone and working side by side you manage to learn a lot about that person. How much stress they can take, how careful they are, how much or how little they like to follow 'rules.' Then too there's a sense of fun to it as well. 

I remember one of the funniest times was cooking chicken and my friend at the time was tenderizing the chicken as I cooked it. She was pounding the hell out of this chicken. We joked about her getting her stress out that way for a bit and then she opened up to me and told me about what she had been going through.

Cooking and sharing the act of cooking are both amazing things. Not only for the excitement of knowing the food you're going to eat was prepared by you but being able to share an experience with someone and grow closer in the process. If you never cook, cook rarely, have never cooked with someone, try it. It could be an amazing experience for you and even lead to a new passion. 

Question.

   "Where do you see yourself in 20 years?"

   This question and the various modifications of it (5 years, 10 years, etc.) are questions I have never in my life been able to answer. Even today, at the age of 24, about to launch a business with my two best friends, I couldn't tell you where I see myself next week.

   I'm one of those people who don't do the future. I talk about it, all the time, and there are tons of plans. Things I want, people I want to be with me, places I want to go and so on. I desperately want these to be in my future, and I'll make all the efforts to make sure it happens. But I don't see my future.

   I couldn't tell you with any certainty that anything is going to happen because in my years I've learned life is a storm. The winds of change are always in play. Things you think or even 'know' will never change eventually do.

   I can't tell you where I'll be in 20 years, I could tell you what and who I want then. But life has a strange way of moving things. Only thing I can tell you is I'll still be here.